So the owner/boss...
of Starz calls me a couple of minutes ago, while I’m talking to clients, irate. Why, you ask? Because I was doing what I just mentioned… talking to clients. He is apparently of the opinion that (and this is a direct quote) “the more you talk, the less they want to get it.” I’m sorry, but NO. If he wants another piercer who doesn’t know shit about shit, I can...
So, a couple new shops.
The first is “The Crib” where I feel damn comfy. It’s slow, but the people are awesome and it’s a clean, sterile, all-around excellent space. The players there: Enigma. The Shop manager/shop girl. She’s pretty awesome, but if she’s having a bad day, watch out. Dude. An artist who’s been everywhere, even overseas. Kind of a poseur-y douche, but a good...
So some guy came in with two chicks, very angry-seeming, and demanded to speak to the tattoo artist. He then looks at the girl he’s with and barks an order at her to draw the tattoo she wants. She ignores him, looking at magazines, then comes over to the Perfectionist, and says, “You won’t tattoo a pregnant woman, right?” Of course he says no, and they leave… so...
The Perfectionist is ridiculous passionate about games… he’s showing the counter person about this weird phone game.. I don’t even know.
So to recap the cast of characters...
We have Spade, The Perfectionist, Salty, Greenleaf… Also: Baby Huey. 19, amazing artist. and Dio - my apprentice.(who’ll hate me for naming him that) There’s also Loudmouth and Jersey. Spade’s friends/counter girls. (No, Jersey isn’t from there.) Timepiece is gone, but Mik is around, she’s Perfectionist’s apprentice.
Welcome back, readers.
It’s been pretty humor-free in this shop thus far, but now… it begins. Prepare yourselves for more installments in the Adventures in Body Piercing Blog. We have a couple new characters, allow me to introduce them. There’s Salty, he’s a traditional artist, and Greenleaf - he’s a rastamon… and a douchebag. So to recap and recount a hilarious moment in Moonlit...
So that guy who was made of alcohol right there…– The Perfectionist, about a random dude who walked in.
(So I'm guesting in another shop)no offense...
But a tattoo machine should make noise. Your fancy swiss soundless machine freaks me out.
Wow. Just... wow.
So there’s a girl standing just outside whose tampon string is visible. Grossssssssssss.
Wow, no kidding.
This guy John Forte is here.
So apparently a big-named Hip-hop artist is...
Names have been changed to protect me. Spade. Manager, tattoo artist. Rad chick, a little off. Timepiece. Apprentice. The perfectionist. Tattoo artist, disgruntled over working in a street shop, apparently has a fine arts degree. More as I get to know them.
Good shop, but...
some crazy people in here. Like, f’real. Keep it tuned here for the cast of characters.
New shop, new bullshit.
I was told, YESTERDAY, to show up at 1pm. I am here, been here for a half hour. The shop’s not even unlocked and open. The shop hours are 12pm - 3am on Saturdays. This is insane.
Belatedly, I was not fired.
I was laid off. Apparently the slow season is even slower than I’d thought. I spoke to my “old” boss today, he informed me he’d call me back in a few weeks when one of the other piercers left. Not holding my breath.
So apparently I've been fired.
I went to leave at the end of my shift? And I got paid and sent on my way. Awkward. Shoulda thrown Australia under the bus.
So what's a girl to do?
One of the other piercers, let’s call her… Australia, has apparently not been piercing nearly as long as I’d thought - and she keeps making mistakes… bad ones. Mistakes that I then have to deal with because they come back angry. I just fixed a woman’s monroe. Australia hadn’t screwed the ball on tight enough, and it fell off this woman’s piercing. She...
crazy artist is crazy
This artist is convinced he’s descended from Native Americans - but the way he says things are so wrong and so off… He doesn’t know anything about Native Nations. at all. He knows like, three things. and he thinks he knows it all. and he’s getting me angry.
How not to have a piercing. Part Deux.
Come to me with a vagina smelling like the before part of a Summer’s Eve commercial. - I have to stick my face pretty close, thanks. Cringe visibly when I haven’t even put gloves on yet. - Psyching yourself out will only make your piercing hurt more, and annoy me.
What not to say when you are getting a piercing....
“Don’t tell me when you do it.” - Honey, whether I tell you or not, you are going to know when it’s being done.
How not to have a piercing.
Be paranoid about it. - Overcleaning is just as bad as not cleaning. Your body has natural bacteria that helps wounds heal. Overcleaning washes away this bacteria and inhibits the natural healing process. - Call me twelve times over the next two days worried your piercing is not healing correctly, being swallowed by your skin, or pussy. (that’s pus. don’t be disgusting) I guarantee...
What not to say when you are getting a piercing.
“Is this gonna hurt?” -Yes. I am pushing a needle through your flesh, creating a pocket, and sliding a foreign object made of metal into the tunnel. This will likely hurt. “Oh my god, that’s so big”(when seeing the needle) - The needle is 2 inches in length, and most usually 16 or 14 gauges in diameter(see universal wire gauges for what that means). It is not big....
Mayor Wilkins was here earlier.
Not the actor, the character. He looked like him, dressed like him, acted like him, spoke like him… super polite, even while buying a BONG. Wow, man. Just… wow.
No words. This is what happened tonight. Just listen, I realize it’s my face - but just… fucking… listen.
Jokey is getting on my nerves now.
I didn’t realize how fucking closeminded he was. Smurfette was showing me a picture of two little children, in a precious moments pose - you know, where they’re leaning forward, kissing each other on the lips. It’s fucking adorable. He just mouths off, saying how it’s wrong, and he’d spank his kids if they did that, that it teaches them to do it later, etc...
So a couple came in here just now.
He got his industrial done, and his eyebrow re-pierced. She got her tongue. (she left with it crooked, but idgaf after all the trouble she gave me) This is a neato sitch. She’s his slave. And I mean that literally. She was only getting it done, because he wanted her to have it. She gave little hints - and I think she’s new to all of this, or else it’s not by choice - but...
Another Friday night...
Microdermals require tips, yo. It’s all good. Chillaxing with Jokey, Smurfette and a new cat, who I’m gonna call Kurt Cobain. He kinda looks like him, a little bit. Klepto got fired, though something tells me it isn’t the last we’ll hear from him anyway. Jokey’s playing some sweeeeeeeeeeeet drum n bass…
Lady, if you want your VCH...
then DO NOT PULL AWAY while I am piercing you. This is not your earlobe, I could seriously fuck up your sex life. *Vertical Clitoral Hood
Two Jersey Bimbettes just walked in for tattoos...
Catch phrases overheard: “Can I get a distraction?” “You have to stop me from jerking, I did that the second time I got my tongue pierced…” “I want to be able to read it” (about the word on her wrist) They’re both drunk NOW(they bought beers while they waited) and arguing over the placement of the tattoo, and nearly fucking naked. FOR NO REASON.
Man, these tables...
Another guy just fell off the table.
You know what's fun?
When a guy comes in wearing skimpy boxer briefs wanting his upper thigh tattooed, then keeps bouncing on the chair to get more comfortable, so his junk keeps bouncing everywhere.
So Smurfette’s read my blog here… and turned around to give me a thumbs up. That’s absolutely hilarious.
We have a new artist. She’s hot as sin. Very new to the industry, but with a whole shit-ton of talent. We’ll call her Smurfette, since Jokey Smurf wants in her pants. Speaking of Jokey Smurf, he’s playing 60’s, 70’s and 80’s… good times.
oh god gross.
Fat boy is running around with a shit-filled piece of toilet paper, threatening to wipe it on people. Grosssssssssssssssss. Everyone is laughing. I am hiding in my room. Maybe I should smoke a bowl.
A few words on tipping.
I realize tipping is a gratuity, a bonus someone in service gets for a job well done. That said, Body piercing is not an easy job, nor an unskilled service. It takes skill to do what I do, people. You tip your bartender, you tip your waiter. You tip your hair stylist, and you tip your tattoo artist. I am not an untrained moron wielding a gun-shaped plastic implement, causing blunt force trauma...
BUT I AM SICK OF PEOPLE COMING IN AND ASKING ME “Oh, you don’t use a gun?” NO, BITCH! GUNS CAUSE BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA TO YOUR BODY, CAN CAUSE A CARTILAGE COLLAPSE, AND TRANSMIT DISEASES LIKE HEPATITIS B AND HEP C! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE THE DAMN NEEDLE! YOU WANT THE PIERCING, TAKE THE PAIN!
Some client is getting "Man" Tattooed...
between his ass cheeks. he’s straight, too.
So one of the artists...
just went to piss. The bathroom is just inside my piercing room. He left the door open. Just standing there, pissing, door open, talking to his buddy. What?!
Someone's smoking weed
in my shop right now. idek.
Okay... this is the best thing ever.
So a guy comes in to get tattooed. He’s covered in symbols tattooed on his body already, so he’s laying on the table butt naked, so the artist can find a space to work. He tells the guy to roll slightly so he can reach his ribs… and the guy rolls off the table. Butt naked, on the floor, in the middle of the shop, and the curtain doesn’t go to the floor, so he’s...
I got to stick a scalpel in a guy's penis tonight.
So fat guy(a new player - the one whose machine was stolen to begin with) is in the shop right now, telling us all about the fight he had with the guy who stole it. (not klepto artist) he apparently stuck his finger in the guy’s eye socket, attempting to pull it out completely.
so Nice Guy left for awhile, ostensibly to get pot from his apartment. Klepto Artist apparently gave him money. Nice Guy hasn’t come back yet - Klepto Artist is throwing a FIT. I mean a fit. throwing things around, yelling, cursing… cheesus crispy, this shop is RIDIC.
So for the newcomers...
The players: The Big boss. Lackey number one. The Liar - counter guy who’s apparently a pathological liar. (I know this because on top of everything else I’ve noticed he lies about, he says he’s a piercer, but consistently gives me the wrong jewelry for a piercing.) Klepto Artist - He stole a guy’s machine the first night I was here, resulting in a fight between two...
So apparently the artist that stole the machine? Is a klepto. He stole this other artist’s saran wrap, and then just now when the artist ran out for dinner, he started going through his drawers. when he found them empty? He threw a temper tantrum. Cheesus crispy.
I had a woman come in for a nostril piercing. Easy, right? Wrong. She twitched, and shook and squealed every time I went near her, and when I finally was able to pierce her, she screamed… loud. Like I shot her in the clit at point blank range. then? she flinched while I was putting the jewelry in, so of course it fucked up, so I had to do it a second time. During which she screamed...
Ally Sheedy is now unprepared.
He gets a client, he has to first unpack his equpiment… and he has no sleeves for his machine, OR paper towels. Really?